Many of our ideas about relationships come from the people around us. Our friends may make it seem like their romantic connections are consistently “perfect,” posting pictures and sharing stories-but these are usually only of the happy, affectionate moments.
Media, too, often portray romantic relationships as effortless and focused on sexual attraction. In a recent Student Health 101 survey, 36 percent of respondents said media portray relationships as “easy.” At the end of many movies, we’re meant to believe that couples will live “happily ever after.”
Comparatively, nearly 78 percent of the survey respondents said they would use the word “challenging” to describe real-life romantic connections.
While dating and other romantic relationships can definitely include ease and passion, it takes work to sustain a relationship that’s healthy.
The connection and affection you feel with a partner are important in a good relationship, but in addition to those warm, fuzzy feelings, there are other crucial elements for keeping a relationship strong and satisfying. Here are some essentials:
Unlike in movies, where eye contact seems to transmit nearly everything, real-life relationships require communication-with words.
Rather than playing a guessing game, say something! Keeping feelings or concerns pent up can lead to resentment and misunderstanding.
Kathryn S., a third-year student at the University of Guelph in Ontario, notes, “You can’t be afraid to voice your opinions to the other person. Communication is key!”
When having an open dialogue, use “I” statements. Communicate that you know you’re involved in the situation, and say how it affects you.
For example, you can say, “I feel lonely when we don’t get to see one another.” You’re expressing your feelings in a non-judgmental way, and in doing so, your partner most likely will respond respectfully and be open in his or her communication to compromise. This can enhance your emotional intimacy and strengthen your connection.
Marketa H., a second-year student at the University of Victoria in British Columbia, says she and her boyfriend work hard to communicate openly. She shares, “We make sure both people are being heard, and we make the other person feel special.”
It’s natural for couples to disagree at times, and to express concerns through dialogue. Here’s how to “fight fair”:
Jolayne M., a practicum student at the University of Lethbridge in Alberta, suggests, “It’s important to remember to talk about your thoughts and needs in a relationship. It may not look like the ones in the movies.”
Ryan M., a fourth-year student also at the University of Lethbridge, says ignoring problems can lead to accumulated resentment and anger, which may then surface at unpredictable times in the form of anger and hostility.
Natasha Ali, a counsellor at the Student Counselling Centre at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, cautions that poor communication can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
If your relationship is characterized by stress and anger, consider talking to a counsellor or someone else you trust about your concerns. It can be difficult to decide if a troublesome dynamic can be worked on, or if it should be ended before the situation worsens.
If your romantic relationship is abusive-if you feel badly about yourself, unsafe, or manipulated-it’s not your fault. A professional at your counselling or health centre can help you talk through your feelings and make a plan to safely end the relationship.
Relationships take effort, respect, and open communication. Though they may not be as carefree as in the movies, with patience and collaboration your romantic partnerships can be happy and healthy.
Amber is a recent graduate of the Thompson Rivers University Journalism program.
Natasha Ali, a counsellor at the Student Counselling Centre at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg, explains, “If a person feels like [he or she] can’t do or say certain things or [his or her] physical, emotional, or sexual safety will be threatened, that is a red flag for abuse.”
Ali says that healthy romantic relationships come from a place of equality. As she states, “An attitude of respect, honesty, and understanding needs to exist.”
If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, reach out for help. Speak with someone you trust at school or in your community. You can also contact:
Domestic Violence Hotline
1-866-806-2275
[email protected]
